2 min read

The Tale of the Icy Puppy

The Tale of the Icy Puppy

Once upon a time, there was a happy puppy. It was fluffy and cute and so excited about life it tripped over its legs as it ran. It was brimming with ideas and energy and everyone who met the puppy was charmed by how adorable and friendly it was.

One day, a cranky old witch named Karen was hobbling down the street with a cane, muttering about how GPT-3 is going to replace her job any day now. The puppy, seeing a potential new friend, bounded up and playfully chewed on the witch's cane.

The witch was appalled. It asked to speak to the puppy's manager, but the puppy just laughed and asked if she wanted to play.

"Play? Fucking millennials. I'll give you something to play with!" Her eyes glowed a deep red and her hair rose up as if electrified. She pointed her cane at the puppy and uttered a curse.

Immediately, a giant block of ice formed around the puppy, trapping it in the center. The witch laughed and hacked at the same time (probably COVID; you know that bitch wasn't wearing a mask) and left.

The puppy has been trapped in ice ever since. Sometimes, certain warm people will come around and, like a fireplace, melt the ice around the puppy. The puppy plays with these people and life is wonderful, but the next day, the puppy awakes encased in ice again.

Certain situations can melt or freeze the puppy more too. When the puppy is doing things that really align with her heart, when the puppy is accomplishing great things, when the puppy is in nature, the puppy melts the ice and is able to run freely in puppy-like bliss.

In these moments, when the puppy is thawed, the puppy can take over the world. People are drawn to her. The world works with her. She's goofy and carefree and untamed- she draws her own maps and lives her own life and everyone joins her to be the baddest bitches they can.

But then, inevitably, the curse comes back. The ice re-forms. And there is a barrier between the puppy and the world. Life seems cold again.

One day, the puppy had a strange dream. She dreamt that she was both the puppy and the evil witch. That she cursed herself, and that she chooses to curse herself with her actions every day. Each day, she chooses whether she's icy or free.

So now, the puppy asks herself, "Is this an icy puppy situation?" when wondering whether or not to do something new. The puppy knows what melts her, and what freezes her further.

She's still stuck in ice most of the time, but it's getting thinner. More and more, she's able to move her limbs and make expressions, and every once in a while, she's set free and then the universe itself bends to make way for her fiery force.

And some day soon, she'll free herself from her own curse, and her unstoppable energy will shape the world as we know it.