you'll never find her that way

I took a 'me' night tonight.

I'm lying on my bed, with the good lighting on. Piano plays from little speakers throughout the house, and my bedroom houseplant, Cronut, has gotten 3x its size since I bought it in Seattle.

I think my wellbeing has grown three times since then too. I feel so peaceful right now. Here in my bedroom, I feel like one of those #cottagecore girls in the TikTok videos I used to binge when I needed an escape. I used to think that I could run away to nature and somehow my mind would follow.

hold on, getting ice cream

K, back with cookies & cream

Like, I have a friend right now who is probably gonna travel to another country and search for a wife. And I wanna be like, dude, wherever you go, there you are. If you go looking for her, you'll never find her. But if you stay and look for yourself, then she will find you.

But I'm just the same. Every summer, I go on a road trip searching for that #cottagecore lifestyle. But the feeling I've been chasing is the one I have right now, right at home. Phone far away. Music playing. Feeling warm and fuzzy inside from spending a couple hours with my ATX bestie earlier today. Cookies and cream in my hand.

And peace inside me.