I found that the dark jury of the deep had already decided for me. There it was, laid out and certain. It was like training for a race and preparing and finally being down at start with your spikes set in their holes. No choice then. You go when the pistol cracks. -The Winter of our Discontent, John Steinbeck
Maybe we always know what we are born to do.
I've always known. But I've always wanted not to know.
Knowing what I was put on this Earth for is terrifying.
If I fail at what I was made for, then... why am I even here? To fail at my purpose is just that, to fail at my purpose!
Pat Walls talks about the moment where you realize what you're meant to do. Maybe it's not a moment of realization for the first time, but instead this moment of extreme bravery where we awake and answer the calling that's been whispering in our ear all these years.
Where we say, "I've been listening," to that voice. "You are my path. And I will risk anything to follow you."
Have you had this moment?
Have you acted on it? Or have you buried it deep, locked it in a black box that only opens when you dream?
I've had my moments of, "Oh my God, THIS is it." And then a day or a week later, I'll place my realization quietly under a pillow and press, press until it appears good and dead and I'll lock it in that black box and pretend the whole thing never happened.
But it always comes back to life. Always the same thing, like a damn purpose zombie. I don't think there's any way to kill it. And, like Frankenstein's monster, I secretly long for it to win.
So is this the pivotal moment? Will I finally be brave enough to walk down the primrose path into the dark night of the unknown, guided by this unyielding fire in my heart and the desire to create worlds where before there was nothing?
It is. And I am.
I've been listening. You are my path. And I will risk anything to follow you.