“Curtis wasn’t playing to win. He was playing not to lose.”

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“Curtis wasn’t playing to win. He was playing not to lose.”

A year ago, I played chess with my then-boyfriend and I lost. At the end, it became clear to me that I'd been playing really hard on defense while hardly playing offense at all, costing me the game.

Lately, I've been thinking about playing to win. Psychology tells us that at the beginning, when we have nothing to lose, we are much more willing to play to win. Then, as we build capital (this can be with a business, in a relationship, or another situation), we start to fear losing what we've already spent so much effort building up. Our decisions become 'safer' and less risky. We begin to play not to lose.

Speaking of that chess game. Both my ex and I were playing not to lose; not just that afternoon, but every single day with our relationship. Haven't I, in some way or another, played not to lose in every relationship I've ever had? Especially in my relationship with myself?

My biggest wish for myself in Q2, is to play to win. Even if I fail. I'd rather fail at an important project and be true to my heart, than succeed wildly at a dream that isn't mine.

Ironically, doesn't playing not to lose keep you from any chance of actually winning?

Can you ever truly win, if you're merely playing not to lose? You'll make different decisions, decisions that will actually keep you from the thing your heart truly desires. Maybe you'll marry the second-choice because were too scared to risk it all on the first. Maybe you'll pick the safer career but that will close you off to the career you're dreaming of. You'll make 'safer' decisions with your money that will actually harm your investments in the long term. The list goes on forever. It's time to play to win.