Pure Intentions?

Apr 26, 2021

In December, I swore I'd never date an emotionally unavailable person ever again.

Why do I pick unavailable partners?
I’m exhausted from moving, and I have no idea what to talk about, so I’m justgonna be blunt about what’s on my mind (other than I’m moving into my hometomorrow omg why is this so scary what if the house eats me in my sleep?). I have this destructive pattern of picking partners who are emotionally…

And so far, so good! But I still sometimes feel that pull towards men who obviously have intimacy issues.

Today I had a realization: When I feel that drug-like pull to someone whose intentions are not pure, it's also because MY intentions are not pure!

If my intentions were pure, I'd like someone because we make each other happier when we're with each other, because our personalities match up, and being with them feels safe.

  • But we don't make each other happier because we're both caught up in appearing cool around each other.
  • Who knows if our personalities match because neither of us are being authentic! If we were, we wouldn't be unavailable, would we?
  • So therefore, how can being with them feel safe? No, it just feels like a push-pull, an endless indecision filled with dizzying highs and lows. It feels like sparkles and fire and colored smoke, but safe? Ha!

So why aren't my intentions pure? And what are my real intentions? I'm still struggling to pinpoint it. But hey, it's a start!

Madison Taskett

Austinite 🌮 experimenting in my job and personal life, always optimizing for disproportional returns. :) This blog is a daily look into my mind. It's raw, honest, and reflective, and I post often.