"Integrity means having only one self." -Glennon Doyle
A few years ago, I had two selves. I dated a coworker and decided to keep my relationship a secret. I started to lose my personal integrity without me even realizing it. I got used to omitting a part of myself from my coworkers, some of whom I spent a lot of time with. I got accustomed to keeping big secrets. I didn't even realize I was living a double life.
Some decisions bind us to lives we didn't sign up for. I signed up for a partnership with my potential future (and I got that! We were together for two years and it was a beautiful relationship). But every time I lied through omission, I was steering myself further from the person I wanted to be. Each time I kept secrets, I was teaching myself that it was okay to be a less honest version of myself, not just in my work life but in every aspect of my life, with everyone I cared about.
I was a 20-something fuck up, and I think maybe we all go through that- part of growing up is screwing up and then realizing who you really want to be. Moving forward, I'm probably still going to mess it up in small ways from time to time, and that's just part of being human.
Every month I'm faced with new decisions where it would be so much easier and less scary to be two different people. But each time that I choose to be one person, no matter how small the decision, the more I become someone I and others can trust.