My fake boyfriend is cock blocking my love life

I wrote this a few months ago, implemented my own advice, and feel so much better. So I'm sharing with you, too, in case you have feelings for someone you're not with.

Today I was making duck migas and daydreaming about this guy that I have a crush on. I see us cooking breakfast together and laughing, listening to good music, a warm breeze blowing through the open windows, on a sunny Sunday morning.

I see–

Hold it right there. Is this dreamy man having breakfast with me right now? No.

But that's not exactly true.

I hear that when your brain imagines a situation, it doesn't know the difference between reality and what you're imagining. So in my head, he's actually here trying the chilaquiles, being like, wtf this is awesome!

But clearly it's not real. I have no idea how the IRL version of... should we give him a name? Let's name him Jimbo. I have no idea how Jimbo would actually respond to migas in real life. But in my head, I've just created a memory of us.

So halfway through a bite I realize this and I'm like, omg, if I keep this up, over time I'm gonna create a whole-ass relationship in my head, and when I let go of it, I'm going to have to go through a break up of sorts.

Wtf.

That's a crazy thought, to breakup with someone I'm not even dating. So I looked back on if I'd done it with past people and, yes!

There's one guy I met a few years ago at a party, let's call him Barnaby (lol). The chemistry was off the charts, the connection I felt with Barnaby was unparalleled. I remember going home that evening feeling, like, woah, was that even real?

And then we didn't see other for a long time, but during that time, our conversation in my head bloomed. I would meet other guys and, frankly, no one compared to Barny. And then a long time later, we met again and started going on dates and omg, the connection actually was as strong as I remembered. But it wasn't a match on some other big criteria, and when it ended, I felt surprisingly heart broken.

'It makes sense. Because you built him up in your head," my bestie said.

I wish I would have taken a chance on it back when it first happened (he asked me out after that first conversation and I said no). I would have learned right away that it wasn't a match, and saved myself years of wondering about a door that I hadn't opened, and building up a person in my head who I didn't actually know.

In a way, Barnaby was my boyfriend even when he wasn't. He was in my head, in my dreams, and he took up space in my heart that someone else could have taken, had that space been open.

So this morning, when I had those cute thoughts about Jimbo, I had to remind myself, 'I am SINGLE.' Someone I'm not dating doesn't deserve my reveries. Because they're kind of cockblocking anyone in my life who I could be dating instead. I'm legit like, committing myself mentally to a guy who doesn't even exist romantically with me.

So, I chatted about the situation with a close friend, realized that I needed to let him go, reminded myself I was single, muted him on everything, and for the first few weeks after closing him from my mind, when cute daydreams of him would pop up, I'd remind myself, "I am single," and deleted those thoughts, until they stopped coming.

Note: I would have told him how I felt if I'd thought he could be a good fit.

It's interesting being on the other side because my mind has more space now. I kinda always like someone to some extent, and it takes up energy and mental resources.

This is deep, but, I'm so scared of accomplishing certain things, that I subconsciously have obstacles in my life that sap my energy and motivation so I can never do them. Now that I shoot down intrusive thoughts of people I'm never gonna date, I'm able to take more time to rest, relax, and do hard things that take a lot of focus/energy.

PS: If you liked this email or have feedback, email me at mtaskett@gmail.com (the response email this sends from goes nowhere)