with them

Sharp turn sharp turn drop rise STOP go merge skid look it's a river look it's a forest look a historical home look OMG LOOK I'm gonna die wait all good yay look

Pittsburgh's roads were like a plate of spaghetti thrown over the hilliest hills I've ever hilled. A month and a half there, and me screaming for my life while merging is what I remember the most.

That, and writing 70 hours a week without a care in the world. Super happy.

But also alone.

I'm with family now and the roaring river of words has slowed to a trickle. I'm stressed I'm frustrated I don't want to be here watching dollars slip through my bank account wondering wtf I'm doing does any of this make sense how could I give up such a stable career and I'm not writing dear god I'm not writing I'm going to die broke and alone under a bridge somewhere I'm never gonna finish my book if I'm not writing what a waste and

and I call Will and complain. My family is dysfunctional I am dysfunctional everything is going to hell and I'm not even writinggggg what is the point of it all I gotta leave

And Will says, "Maybe it's not about you."

And Will says, "Maybe you're there for them."

Will says, sometimes the best thing we can do is just be there with someone. Don't have to fix anything. Don't have to change anything. Just be with them.

I knew calling Will was a good idea.

So I put my laptop away. I set my book down. I stash my pen and highlighter.

I watch that show with my Mom that I've already seen. I listen intently to my middle sister complain about her job. I cook hashbrowns and bacon for my youngest sister.

The four of us drive three hours to a pumpkin patch and corn maze. It's ridiculously hot and we haven't eaten and we all want to kill each other but it's wonderful.

And someday I'm going to look back, and being with them is what I'll remember the most.