Almost every time I give my all to something, to really go for a goal, I attain it. And then I realize it isn’t what I wanted in the first place.
Every time, I realize that what I want are the simple things. Physical and mental health. A few good people to scheme with in a dark corner with. Quiet and nature. High quality food. Creative exploration and expression.
It's a simple life. I live somewhere quiet. I have normal friends who live normal lives, but they’re smart and creative and they think for themselves. Together we laugh, we cry, we burn secret notes under the full moon and wear hot pink wigs and teach each other languages only we can speak.
I live in the nature. I am the nature. I create art and I am art. I write for a large audience, but I don’t give a fuck about who is in my network. On the weekends I climb mountains and brew tea from pines in the forest, from mint in my garden, from flowers in my friends’ backyards.
My costs of living are low, and I don’t need a lot. I spend what I have on trips to nature and quality experiences. I cook fresh arctic char in Alaska. I talk to rattlesnakes outside of Tucson. I visit my family often.
I’m married with kids. Together, we create cool things. We are an imaginative bunch- we dream it, then we do it. We kayak next to orcas and seals. We play and laugh and eat sourdough with fresh jam.
I have always wanted the exact same kind of life. When I really look at it, I want simplicity and freedom. Always have. Maybe always will.
If this is the life I want… how do I make sure I don’t get stuck in the life I have?
I could see it going this way:
- Building a fancier house on this lot
- Getting “important” friends and feeling the need to grow my network… even though we don’t wear pink wigs and burn notes under the moon
- Minor plastic surgery. Laser hair removal. Fancy manicures. Expensive pedicures.
- Brunches, so many brunches. All overpriced. All with the same food. When I could do the same at home.
- Cost of living always increasing and I’m trying to keep up even though I don’t want the city life.