It's been four weeks since I've physically seen anyone I care about. Four weeks since I've given anyone a hug, a handshake, or had any sort of physical contact with another human being.
Typing that out makes me feel better. I've internalized that feeling lonely must mean I'm weak. But seeing it written down like that, how could I feel any other way than lonely?
And yet, all I want to do is convince both you and myself that I am totally okay right now. Because I fear that admitting otherwise means that I'm not good enough.
I'm seeing that sometimes I am not very accepting of myself being human.
But I am human, and at night, my heart races. It takes hours to fall asleep these days. And when I wake, there's this emptiness that frightens me. This emptiness that whispers,
There's no one here today. There will be no one here tomorrow. And who knows when you'll touch a living being's skin again.