I'l admit, I'm stressed

daily journal Mar 16, 2020

Lately I have been really optimistic about this whole Coronavirus thing. Because there's nothing we can do (except stay home, be mindful of our community, and wait it out) and so you might as well look for the positives right?

And I've been making things to help us get through this. I spent the weekend making a Chrome extension with tips from all you folks on how to feel less alone while stuck at home due to the current situation. It felt good, I felt good, in fact quite happy.

A screenshot of the aforementioned Chrome Extension

But when it's time to go to bed, I can't fall asleep.

It's gotten crazy. I'll go to bed at 10pm and actually fall asleep at 4am. I don't know if there's anything I can do about it. I've been active, getting into nature, supporting my community... but dude, I am alone. I live alone, which I love, but I didn't plan to be stuck alone at home for weeks on end. Luckily I can handle being by myself for long periods of time, but I just don't think it's healthy to be in isolation 24/7 for weeks on end. I mean, think about it, when a prisoner does something fucked up, they are put into solitary. Socialization is a deeply embedded survival mechanism, and it's essential for our mental health.

I miss my smart, kind, interesting coworkers. I miss going out with friends. This coming Saturday, I should be going to my friend Pat's beerthday, where we do a marathon of breweries around Capitol Hill here in Seattle, but it's not happening.

And the Chrome store keeps rejecting my extension but I followed all the rules and their reason for rejection doesn't make sense. And it's getting me down.

I baked an apple pie today to cheer me up. Best apple pie I've ever tasted! Go me!

And at night, I lay awake, heart racing, staring up at the ceiling, trying to accept that, yes, I'm stressed, and yes, that's okay considering everything that is going on right now.

But you want to know something good? I used to feel like this every single night. I used to lay awake till 3 am or longer. I thought it was just because I'm a night owl, but since doing a ton of work on myself, I realize it was because I was really overwhelmed and stressed all the time. So in a strange way, this week is showing me just how far I've come, because this insomnia now feels uncomfortable instead of normal.

Anyway, if you're lonely too, tweet me. I could use some good conversation. :)


Note: I noticed I misspelled 'I'll' in the title but doesn't it add to the feel of being stressed? I would like to play with words and spelling even more in the future.

Madison Taskett

I'm a tech growth marketer and indie maker in Austin, TX 🌮. This blog is a daily look into my mind. It's raw, honest, and reflective, and I try to post daily.