chasing the prayer voice

I've been out of regular blogging for too long and I don't know how to do this...

So I'll pretend I'm writing to you. Because I think you would understand.

What would you do if faced with a crossroads?

And maybe some people are pulling you down one path, people you really care about. People you might lose if you don't go down that path. And others telling you to go down the other.

And in your heart a quiet little voice is on its knees for you.

Pleading in prayer, 'please' over and over and over the same as your heart beats. Barely audible unless all else goes silent and you put your ear to your skin, and there it is, thump thump thump. Please please please.

And just like your beating heart, its been there your entire life. And it will cease the moment you die. And that voice, it's only yours, and if you let it die with you, it will never be heard again.

Ugh, I know what you would do. You'd tell me to say 'fuck all' to everything else and chase that voice.

There's also another voice telling me that if I don't chase the voice now, I may never. And that I'll always regret it if I don't.

And I feel like such a fool because I've even told you about that voice for a long time but I've never honored it. And truth be told, I don't know if I'll honor it now. Maybe I'll keep saying, "I should chase that voice, I should chase that voice" until I'm 90 and then I'll look back and whisper, "I should have chased that voice, because everything I got in return for letting it go, could never be enough."