In December I asked myself, 'Why do I pick unavailable partners?' and I swore I would never date someone avoidant ever again, no matter what it took.
And for the last 3 months, I've worked roughly 5-10 hours each week on sorting out my deeply-rooted relationship issues (if you want to know more, feel free to DM me).
Since my vow, this is what I have learned (from first-hand experience):
- Mixed signals are always a clear signal (and that signal is 'no')
- When someone wants to be with you, you will know. They will make it crystal clear. You won't have to question it. And if you're questioning it, the answer is no.
- When someone wants to be yours, their actions will speak volumes and by the time they proclaim feelings with words, it'll just be icing on the cake instead of the whole cake. So many times in the past I would hope that someone would proclaim their feelings with words, because their actions weren't showing it.
- But if someone likes you, their words will be kind, warm, and accepting. They will only speak to and of you in ways that honor you and lift you up.
I still have a lot to learn. I'm still single. I'm still terrified of both commitment and abandonment (a fun combo, lemme tell ya). I'm still not capable of being a healthy partner myself.
But I am also learning what it's like to be known and understood by someone who is healthy. And if you're like me and you've never experienced a healthy partner before, dude, it IS possible.
It is possible to be with someone where:
- they don't make you question
- you don't have to agonize over 'is this text good enough'
- you don't feel like one mistake could ruin the entire thing. And in fact, you don't worry about being 'good enough' for them at all. That anxiety is gone.
- you don't feel judged for being human
- your quirks and 'flaws' are loved and adored
- you can talk for hours, you can laugh for hours, it doesn't feel forced
- you feel safe to be 100% yourself, even on the bad days
I promise. I promise. I promise.
PS: reading this title made me a bit emotional. It's been a long road.
PPS: reading this title also frightens me. It's kind of like a lifelong alcoholic proclaiming, "I've been sober for 3 months, so I'm gonna stay sober for the rest of my life!" What if I'm not out of the woods? What if I relapse and date a fuckboy? What if I become the fuckboy?