Day 18: Low Point

Daily goal: 4,140 words/day.

Today: ~4,200 words

260 Pages Edited so Far

Draft 2 Goal: Increase Conflict and Suspense

At the gym this morning, setting a 'rest' timer on my phone between sets, when the numbers started disappearing from my vision.

You've got to be kidding me. And after I wasted yesterday?

I drove home, rainbows streaking in front of my eyes, trying not to get upset, taking ibuprofen, curling in bed with the curtains drawn, feeling the migraine set in, unable to see, unable to think, unable to form words in my mind.

Sure, I got my editing done today. But I wanted to do an amazing job, and I didn't come close. But I can't beat myself up for it.

I've been working out consistently for almost a year now, and there have been many days where my workouts have been at 75%, 50%, even 25% capacity. But a day of showing up poorly is always better skipping out completely. It's the bad days that are the most important, because I'm building discipline.

My draft is choppy. There are parts where I did a stellar job writing the first draft, and other parts where I'm like wtf was I thinking, this is trash. I can tell that on those days, past Madi didn't have it in her to do her best work. But I'm not mad at her, because she got me to a finished first draft of a novel. She gave me something to work with.

I'm sure I'll feel this way about editing Madi, too. And I'm sure that with time, I'll get better at writing and editing, even on my worst days, but I will always have my worst days, and my work will never be fully consistent, and I will hopefully always be thankful for whatever I can do on the days that I do it.

I just gotta rest and do my best and let it go.