none of it matters

Did you know that the Hilton family invented the American brownie?

It was the first coast-to-coast hotel chain. First hotel to install TVs in their guest rooms. First hotel to be listed on the NYSE. First to create a reservation system for multiple locations. The piña colada was first created at a Hilton. A property of theirs in Istanbul even has its own zip code and stamp.

You get the picture.

I didn't know any of this. Heck, I didn't know the founder's name was Conrad, even though they literally have a hotel chain in their brand called Conrad by Hilton.

They've pioneered SO much and no one knows or cares.

I've been thinking about purpose a lot this month, and wondering if I want to try to build something that other people will care about and remember, or if I want to create from my heart and just say 'fuck it'- just aim to make myself happy first and foremost.

And stories like Hilton's, big, awesome innovations that in the end will be forgotten like sand in a tide... they make me wanna go down the 'fuck it' route.

Afternote: I don't really know what the 'fuck it' route looks like. Maybe it's as simple as just continuing to write whatever I want on this blog. I mean, that does make me happy. I'm trying to let go of the idea of building an 'audience'- I don't know if I care or even want one. Invisibility is a superpower. And in the past when I've tried to build an audience, man, it has felt like torture. And if there's one thing I've learned this year, it's that the right things feel fun even if they're really hard work. It shouldn't feel like torture.