1 min read

holding a torch for all of the me's

Talking to my sister, then my best friend. Trying to explain this feeling... is there a word for it?

I'm finally writing a book and I work on it every day. I'm waking up with the sunrise consistently for the first time ever. And I haven't missed one single gym session since starting in October.

I'm becoming her. Each day, I put in the work, without fail. It makes me feel so...

...like I'm walking through an endless night, wearing a white dress and holding a torch in my raised right hand. And all the versions of me that came before and all the versions of me that will come after are lit by its light, and every me, no matter how much younger or older, knows that I am doing this for them.

I am doing this for the four year old who wrote silly little stories about talking golden retrievers. For the 17 year old who stayed up till 3am every night and never felt rested. For the 60 year old who is so thankful that she can still climb mountains and go running. For the 80 year old who feels fulfilled that we went for our dreams of being an author, whether or not we succeed, that's not the point.

The point is, I am doing the damn work.

The closest word I came to was 'over the moon'. I can't stop listening to music lately because it all sounds so damn good. There's a skip in my step when I go for walks (no really, there is, and it's a little embarrassing lol). Even the most mundane Tuesday feels like remarkable.

But 'over the moon' doesn't quite capture the unyielding determination and ambition I feel too. Like... like I'm going to war. Like I'm on this path and no matter what lies in my way, I will overcome it. Like, if God stood in my way, I'd fight and maybe I'd even draw blood.

Omg! I've got it!