I heard this today: the opposite of addiction, whether to substances, toxic people, food, or to thoughts or fantasies or work, it is NOT sobriety.
It is connection. Human connection.
It's known that gang members leave when they get a girlfriend. They join because they're lost and alone, and the gang provides a sense of community, of family. But when they find a healthier version of connection, k thx bai.
And pretty much all the studies on longevity, happiness, disease prevention... all show community as a top factor in living a satisfying, healthy life.
I tend to isolate myself. I'm avoidant when it comes to gatherings and people in general. I've always felt 'in control' when I'm alone. No one can reject or leave me then, if I'm being fully honest with myself. Yikes, haha.
But this year, I've been taking calls from people, and offering to call others and meet virtually, and meeting up with people IRL, and yoooo, it's still uncomfortable and I still have to force myself to do it, and it still gives me anxiety, but I haven't had a single bad call, or friend-meeting, or video chat from it yet.
And because of that, this week, I've had such a support system. And I've had the gift of serving others too.
And even though this whole 'connection' thing scares me, I am definitely much happier.
PS- I wrote, and re-wrote, and tore down, and deleted, and wrote this post again. I still don't think it flows well enough. Some days, writing is hard. If you ever get this way, just know that I do, too.
PPS- I'm feeling a lot of love for you, today, dear reader. You are thoughtful and kind, and I am honored to serve you here with my thoughts.