the bullshit binds us

Oh god it's 2 am and I'm so committed to this daily blogging thing that here I am.

Anyhow, in 2022 I basically stopped gossiping altogether. Other people's business is theirs, my business is mine, and I can handle my emotions instead of putting them on others.

But my friend Matt sometimes calls me late at night to rant about some bullshit going on in his life, and it's lovely. I like being able to be there for him.

So, fuck it. Tonight I late-night called with my own bullshit.

And I realized that, like... omg it's late haha, what was I thinking? Yes, okay, I realized that actually, a certain amount of 'gossip' is maybe healthy. Especially when the gossip is just facts about my own life, and I've already processed my feelings about everything.

You know, part of what makes a close friendship is when you need the other person and they are there for you. I've been there for him, but have I allowed him to be there for me? Do I allow anyone the honor and privilege of helping me when I'm in need, of protecting me when I'm hurt, of defending my honor and going to battle for me? Do I allow others to see me weak and vulnerable?

Because what if they aren't there? What if they drop me?

But Matt was there.

Matt doesn't drop me.