my late night ambition battle

Before this stage in my life, I've never really been at peace or generally happy. It took so much to get here, and I do not for a single day take having a stable life for granted.

But sometimes I still want to own the entire world and make it my bitch. The pieces are in place, I think I could actually do it. I know the right people, and to see me succeed would only help them succeed, and every door is open to me right now, like, HOW? My network still seems like impossible luck to me.

And further, I am alive, like holy fuck, I AM ALIVE. Some God or insane stroke of luck breathed me into existence despite the odds being incredibly, incredibly against it. And further, I'm alive as a human being in this century, in one of the most happening cities in the world. I have every opportunity.

So like, wouldn't it be a sin NOT to go for it???? Wouldn't it be an insult to every ancestor who fought tooth and nail to further their genes so I could walk this Earth? And if I have brilliance in me, or even a half-decent thought that could help someone, is it not my duty and dare I say even my destiny to carry that out?

But also like... and this stays between you and I... I don't need it anymore?

I could live a quiet life in the mountains and just be happy. Because well, didn't my ancestors fight for that too?

I mean, everything any of us do is going to turn to dust anyway. Every single legacy will be forgotten.

So if none of it matters and all of it matters... it comes down to, which option would be more fulfilling?

And to that, I don't have an answer.

And the late night ambition battle rages on.